Be a Confident Woman

Updated: 08/23/2022 – Everyone knows at least one woman who commands attention when she walks into a room.  She may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but there’s something about her that makes people notice.  Her walk, her demeanor, the look on her face, and how she carries herself….she exudes confidence.  What do you think?  Would you like to be a confident woman?

Table of Contents

confident woman with notebook

Is Confidence Inherited?

Have you ever thought that your level of confidence could be inborn?

Research has found links between genes and personalities. The links show that these genes influence such things as shyness, motivation, and confidence.

One such study found that up to 50% of our personality, including confidence, is formed at conception.

Other researchers agree that broad personality categories such as extraversion and agreeableness have a 50% chance of being inherited but argue that confidence is only 25% attributed to genetics.

Even at that, a large percentage of our confidence level is up to each of us to develop.

My Confidence Story

When I turned 28 years old, I ran for public office to be a local judge.  In order for the voters to get to know me, I had to put myself out there.  The more meetings that I attended and campaigning that I did, the more confident I felt in my abilities.

After I won the election, I had a whole new job to learn; one that required being in the public eye. And when you are front and center, it is very important that you are sure of yourself.

My confidence grew out of necessity.  But I have to admit, there were many times, especially at the beginning of my 30-year career, that I felt unsure of myself.

Judge in courtroom with two men
Working with local Veterans in my courtroom.

With a lot of trial and error, I not only lived through it, but I thrived!  And you will too. 

Here are some ideas to implement in order to grow your level of confidence.

Step 1 – Find a mentor or role model

Confident people realize that they don’t know it all. They acknowledge their limitations.

It’s much easier to walk the walk if you’re able to follow in someone else’s footsteps.

So find someone to help you – someone who can assist in filling in the gaps in the areas where you’re unfamiliar.

Find a mentor or role model that you look up to.

My mentor was a fellow judge.  He listened to my questions and doubts, gave wise counsel, and never laughed at me – no matter what issue I was confronting.

A role model will help to guide you to become more sure of yourself, particularly when in personally uncharted territory.

That person is there to support you and help you navigate rough waters when beginning something new.

This not only increases your confidence level but also provides reassurance.

Step 2 – Develop your own style

As a judge, I dressed professionally.  My wardrobe consisted of skirts, dresses, trousers, and business suits.  When out in the community, I never wore grungy clothes, and always put mascara and lipstick on, even to the grocery store. 

 I felt I had an image to uphold and that’s what people expected of me. 

Being well-groomed is an important part of being confident. When you look and feel your best, you feel like you can conquer the world.

So take a quick glimpse in the mirror before going out. Looking your best can boost your confidence.

Step 3 – Take on the Look of Confidence

Do you have a particular goal in mind that you’d like to achieve? And does it requires a certain “look”?

I’m not talking about attire – let’s look at persona. You feel like you must adopt a certain demeanor to pull off the look of confidence.

That list could include:

  • Sit up straight, tuck in your abs, shoulders back and chin up.
  • Put a smile on your face. Smiling is a natural mood buster. It lifts your spirits.
  • React to what’s being said to you by nodding and making appropriate facial expressions.
  • Incorporate proper tone and inflection in your voice.
  • Use confident gestures – use your hands to talk and emphasize, but don’t overdo them; show the palms of your hands which gives the appearance that you are more open.

Practice posture. facial expressions, emotions, and intonation until you exude confidence. It will draw people in and have them believe that you know what you’re doing.

And knowing that others have faith in your abilities will increase your own confidence.

Step 4 – Choose Your Words

What words are in your vocabulary?

Do you use the same idioms repeatedly, do you use phrases such as “at the end of the day” or “well, listen” incessantly?

Do you diminish your expertise by saying ” it’s just my opinion”?

Review your terminology and determine how you come across to others when you speak.

Certain terms and phrases show a lack of confidence and are unnecessary. Examples are “what if”, “just”, and “I’m no expert”.

Make a conscious effort to reduce the number of times you rely on such words and take some time to increase your vocabulary.

Get in the habit of using positive words. Instead of saying “don’t forget”; rephrase and say “please remember”. The kinder phrase makes you sound more authoritative and confident.

When you’ve found verbiage to add to your vocabulary (and some that you’re deleting from your stockpile), don’t forget to practice using your new words and phrases.

Step 5 – Make Eye Contact

Avoiding eye contact is a huge problem. It makes others feel that you aren’t listening, you’re thinking of other things. and that you aren’t interested in what they have to say.

When having a conversation, look the other person in the eye, smile, and respond in either a physical reaction (a head nod or arm touching) or a verbal one.

The same holds true when talking to an audience. Look at those to who you are talking. Scan and seek out individual faces and talk to them. And although you may not actually see each individual, you appear to be talking to them.

This may be uncomfortable at first. But the better you know your content and with practice, the easier it is to connect with your audience.

You will appear to be a confident woman; eventually, you will be a confident woman!

Step 6 – Be You

Always remember that there is no one quite like you. You are unique; you have a way about you that no one else has.

So don’t pretend to be someone else.

Maybe you have a quirky sense of humor that makes others laugh or you’re a great storyteller who can bring people into your world through descriptive tales. Or you can put people at ease with your charming smile and soothing voice.

 Whatever makes you YOU, don’t be afraid to share it with others. 

 It makes you memorable; it makes you genuine.

And you are much more confident because you are being authentic – which is very familiar territory.

Step 7 – Be Prepared

Obviously, you can’t always be prepared for every moment in your life.  But if you know what you have on your calendar, such as a speech or presentation, you can take steps to make sure that it goes as smoothly as possible.

  • Do your research. Put information in a logical, step-by-step format.
  • Devise an easy-to-read outline where all points are highlighted. These prompts will make information easier to recollect and rattle off.
  • Practice in front of the mirror and use your family as an audience. Repetition and feedback will surely make you more confident!

Even if you aren’t giving a speech, but there is something coming up that is a bit out of your wheelhouse, do your homework beforehand to get more comfortable with the subject.

You will be a confident woman if you walk in prepared.

Step 8 – Just Jump In

Remember, everyone has to start somewhere; you can’t expect to be an expert when you’re learning something new.

And putting it off gets you nowhere.  

So, you may as well just jump on in. 

Using this tactic allows for quick trial and error. If it doesn’t work the first time, get right back up, adjust accordingly, and try again.

Continue to experiment to find what works. Not only do you fine-tune but you become proficient and eventually it becomes part of your DNA. With this comes confidence.

Failure is a part of success. Get back up, dust yourself off, readjust your crown, put the smile back on your face, and try again!

Be a Confident Woman

Understand that each of us is born with a certain amount of confidence and other personality traits. We also have a huge amount of potential confidence that we chose to either develop or leave on the table.

There are various ways to accomplish confidence, which, by definition, is faith in our abilities.

We can choose to concentrate on our efforts to develop confidence by mustering up the courage and jumping right on in,

Don’t let fear stop you from what you want to accomplish. Life is full of hits and misses. And know that there may be many misses once you get into the game. But don’t let that deter you. Get back in there.

Depending on what you want to accomplish, it may take some time and effort. Be persistent and you will prevail.

How to feel and look like a confident woman worksheets

Use the password to the Dream Life Toolkit to get the free worksheets for How to Be a Confident Woman. These will come in handy as you practice your confidence.

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